Note: This is the first of a five part series on dealing with financial stress
As the financial world around us falls apart, we continue to hear stories like the one on tonight's news where a man killed his wife and five children before taking his own life. This raises so many questions about how the mind could possibly accept killing one's family then turning the gun on oneself and committing suicide. We are starting to hear more and more stories that remind us of what happened during the Great Depression when people's financial hopes were dashed.
Today, just like the Depression, we are encountering people who are dealing with anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness. They question whether they will be able to pay their mortgages, afford gas, and buy food. During times like these we need to pull together and help each other as much as possible.
This article will not provide you financial solutions, but it will offer five strategies to help you deal with the emotional challenges that accompany difficult financial times. Let's begin with a discussion of the human mind. Our mind wants to believe that it can control circumstances and events that happen to us. In fact, our society advocates the concept that we are in charge of our destiny. "The motivation to achieve self-control is so strongly instilled during childhood that it directs much of adult behavior. Thus, ‘being in control of oneself' is assumed to be a basic prerequisite to healthy adult life."¹
The problem with the idea of being "in control" is we realize that we have less control than previously anticipated. Some refer to this as the illusion of control. When this happens, like it currently is in millions of lives in America, we have a sense of panic. Our illusion of being in control vanishes and we are left to claim, "Wait! This isn't fair!" This is a core reason why so many people struggle during difficult times. They realize that they have much less control than they previously believed. Their belief is now being challenged.
One of the answers to this problem was taught by a prisoner of war, James Stockdale. Mr. Stockdale was a prisoner of war for nearly seven years in Vietnam. He was in solitary confinement for more than four of those years. While there he observed three types of POWs. The first group was the pessimists. Their belief was that they would never be released. Their lack of faith ultimately caused their demise and they died. The second group of people was the optimists. They believed that it was only a matter of time until their release. They anxiously looked forward to someone coming to save them. They would say, "We will be released by the Fourth of July." When that didn't happen they would say, "We will be released by Thanksgiving." When that didn't happen they would say, "Christmas, that's when we will be freed." In each circumstance their optimism was a major let down. They too, ended up dying.
The third group, the realists, had a completely different view. They didn't anticipate a release date. They simply believed that they would survive their awful circumstances. They were stubborn and wouldn't let their captors get the best of them. They acknowledged that their life as a prisoner of war was horrible. They understood a basic concept: They were in the worst of worst circumstances and there was nothing they could do about it. They ultimately chose to survive their hell and they did.
It is from this third group that we learn the vital lesson of dealing with difficult times. They understood that life was hard and was not fair. They were trapped and may have felt all was hopeless, but they fought through their discouragement and found a ray of hope. Their hope resided in knowing that their difficult time would eventually end.
Suggestion #1: Be a realist. Don't expect a quick fix. It is going to be a long, hard road for many of us in America. There are no easy solutions, but as in the past, solutions will come. We will make it through difficult times. We are fighters.
References:
- Moghaddam, F. M., & Studer, C. (1998). Illusions of Control: Striving for Control in Our Personal and Professional Lives. Praeger Publishers.
