In the previous article we learned about the role perception plays in the anxiety cycle. People with anxiety have a pattern of failure/fear perception and behavior. They can remained trapped in this cycle for days, months or years.

There is one universal truth that must be understood.

ANXIETY CANNOT BE OVERCOME WITHOUT CONFRONTING THE OBJECT OF THE ANXIETY!!

People that successfully overcome anxiety do so by taking action and stop avoiding the anxiety causing situation, person or object. If you keep avoiding the situations that cause you anxiety you will stay stuck in the fear.

There is a saying, "If you want to keep getting what you are getting, keep doing what you are doing." People that suffer from anxiety spend their lives running from the thing they fear. They wonder why the fear keeps getting stronger. I have theory concerning anxiety;

Anxiety is like a savings bond, the longer you keep it the greater it matures. Anxiety never stays confined to one area of life. It spreads, robbing joy and creating a prison of fear.

Many people rely on medications to help them deal with the anxiety. This is a short term approach at best. The medication can calm you down enough to begin to confront the fear. Anti-anxiety medications are not a solution.

Many people will say "well that's all well and good but I just can't get myself to take action."

What is holding them back? The answer is one of the most common and powerful emotions that humans ever experience; the emotion of fear.

This emotion causes us to remain trapped in a habit or lifestyle that does not serve us, robbing joy and fulfillment.

Have you ever said, "I have to do this I do not have a choice" or "I cannot afford to quit this job" or "This always happens to me" or "I am not destined to win" Fear is usually at the source of these beliefs and convictions.

What is fear? Let's look at word as an acronym.

F Fantasy

E Expectations

A Appearing

R Real

When you were a child the monsters hiding under the bed or in the closet seemed very real to you. Yet, looking back as an adult you know they were not real but at the time they were real and powerful. The more you believed in them the more power you gave them to the point where they could control your life.

How many children are afraid to go to sleep without the light on or wake up in the middle of the night screaming because the monsters are there? This is powerful stuff. This emotion really does have the ability to control. Fear has been called the most powerful of all human emotions. It provokes us to massive amounts of action, sometimes not in our best interest. Fear prevents you from taking the actions that will improve your life.

Fear keeps you focused on surviving, not thriving. You operate at a very basic level. You tend not to make sound rational decisions due to a condition called Cortical Inhibition.

Cortical Inhibition means the higher brain functions are essentially shut off. Why? Because they are not necessary for survival. If you are in a life threatening situation, or one you perceive as life threatening, the last thing you want to do is sit down and ponder your options. You need to react. Therefore, all responses are emotional. Emotions are the quickest reaction system you have. When you are in this highly agitated state rational decisions are almost impossible.

Your perceptions control the activation of this survival system. It can make anything into a threat, regardless of how the rest of the world perceives the action. Anxiety and phobias are very individualized. They can be attached to anything that is perceived as a threat. Consider the following phobias.

Ablutophobia - Fear of washing or bathing.
Anablephobia - Fear of looking up.
Arachibutyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
Hellenologophobia - Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Siderophobia - Fear of stars.

You may look at the list and think these fears are irrational or ridiculous. But they are very real to the people that have them. They are simply based upon perception. All phobias rob quality of life.

Remember, perception is reality. The interesting thing is we can act on a perception that is based upon incorrect data. When we believe the data we perceive we setup a Neuro-Association. We create a response based upon our belief. These associations are setup when we are in a peak emotional state, like anger, grief, happiness or fear. The neuro chemicals released during these states help to fix or bind the memory and the response linked to the memory. The associations can be based upon faulty information or beliefs. These associations last until we decide to change them.

To really understand this principle we need to study the life of a dairy cow.

Let me ask you a question. If you are a dairy farmer or a cattle rancher how do you keep cows in the pasture? The obvious answer is a fence.

Somewhere along a fence you put in a gate. The gate allows you to get in and out of the pasture. This system will effectively keep the cows confined. There is another method that cattle ranchers and dairy farmers use. It is called a cattle grate.

The cattle grate is a very interesting invention. It keeps the cattle confined while allowing the farmer to move in and out of the pasture without the need of opening and closing a gate. A cattle grate is constructed by digging a ditch. The ditch is about three feet wide and 6-8 inches deep. Parallel to the ditch pipes are laid spaced 3-4 inches apart. The cows will not cross the cattle grate because of the fear of getting a hoof caught between the pipes.

This is a very effective system. However, it is labor intensive and expensive. It is also not practical to use in every instance. To combat this farmers have designed a fake cattle grate.

What is a fake cattle grate?

If the farmer wants to keep the cows from crossing the road or some other area they will take a can of spray paint and spray lines on the ground that look like the real cattle grate. The cow will not cross them. Why? The same fear that keeps the cow in the pasture with the real cattle grates applies to the fake cattle grate. The cow is trapped by illusion and its own fear. The cow has made an association that the grate represents pain and avoids it like the plague.

Before we go on let's take a minute to closely examine the cattle grate system. There are many cattle in a pasture. Each cow does not have the experience of having a hoof trapped in the cattle grate. In fact there can be many generations of cattle that have never had that experience. How do these new generations of cattle learn to stay away from the cattle grate? The cow was not born with an instinctual fear of this grate. They learn the fear the same way humans learn fear. We are taught fear. The fears that rule your life have been learned.

The cows in the pasture teach each new generation to fear the grate. How do they do this? The momma cows keep the calves away from the grate. They install fear. This teaching method is very effective because it serves to keep cows trapped in a pasture 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. This training and reinforcement causes the calf to make an association that the grate is something to be feared and avoided, even though they do not have any experience with the grate or the painted lines.

The cow could make it out of the pasture any time they wanted by simply doing a few different things. They would need to confront the object of the fear and examine their associations. They would then need to see if their idea of being trapped by this grate is correct. They would then need to try different approaches to see if the grate could be overcome.

They could jump across the cattle grate. The distance is not large and a cow, with a running start could jump across the grate but they do not. Why? Because the fear keeps them trapped. The fear keeps them from making any attempts at improving their life. Fear is a very effective prison. That is the power of fear based associations.

The fear the cow learns about the real cattle grate also applies to the fake cattle grate. The cow could merely walk across the painted lines on the ground but fear keeps them trapped. The cow is so bound by fear it will not place a hoof on the painted line even though it might not have the experience of being trapped in a real cattle grate. The fear is real enough to keep the cow from being adventuresome.

The profound truth: FEAR PARALZYES THE DESIRE TO TAKE ACTION.

Notice I did not say the ability. We have the ability but the desire to move forward is bound by the fear.

What are the "fake grates" in your life that hold you back in the small pasture instead of experiencing the green fields of freedom?

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Write a plan of actions you can take to conquer these "fake grates." Start to implement the actions. Write down you results and how it feels to take these positive actions.

You can overcome anxiety anytime you desire by doing the following:

Give yourself a powerful enough motivation to change. People change their behavior for one of two reasons:

1. Inspiration
2. Desperation

Inspiration. You can be inspired to change by focusing on all the benefits you will derive from making the change. You can see all the possibilities from modifying behavior and response. This is called, Desire for Gain.

Desperation. When things become so painful that you cannot continue going as you are going, you will figure out a way to make a change. When you believe that your life will become increasingly painful by continuing your present actions and beliefs you will seek answers. Why? You believe you are going to lose what you have. This is called fear of loss. People tend to be motivated more by what they will lose than what they will gain.

This is called gaining leverage on yourself. Leverage can move you from being paralyzed to taking action. Without leverage the odds of changing behavior diminish greatly.

I have found writing a list of everything you will lose and the pain you will feel by not taking action, be specific, is very effective. Write a second list see how you will be in 1 or 2 years if you continue with your present actions and beliefs in this area. The idea is to connect massive pain to not changing your behavior.

Linking more pain to not taking action is powerful and will motivate you.

Inside of everyone's head is a balance scale. It is constantly weighing costs versus benefits. We could also call this pain versus pleasure. Every action we think about taking is weighed on this scale. When the scale dips to the cost side, the brains decides that taking the action would be too costly, it would cause too much pain. Therefore we do not take the action. When the scale tips to the pleasure side, you take the action.

The real secret is to link as much pleasure as we can to the actions we think about taking. Everything that you enjoy doing is linked to pleasure. The greater the pleasure link, the greater the desire to take the action associated with it.

When the pleasure of taking the action outweighs the pain of not taking it, we proceed.

When you understand the power of this principal you can begin to develop a plan of action.

Most people cringe at the prospect of going out and confronting a fear that they have nurtured for years. The prospect is overwhelming and quickly tips the balance scale in the cost direction.

My strategy is based upon the question, "How do you eat an elephant?" Answer, "One bite at a time"

Break your exposure to the anxiety causing situation into small low risk actions. This makes it easy to attach benefits to taking the action. For example:

Suppose you have a fear of going to a restaurant. Instead of going right in and sitting down and ordering dinner, which could be too overwhelming. You can use a system of desensitization.

Full instant exposure to the fear is a technique called Flooding. It can be effective in some situations but I have found gradual exposure works well.

The key to desensitization is to be exposed to a small part of the fear. As you feel your anxiety level increasing you implement some self-soothing techniques, like diaphragmatic breathing, to return a sense of calm. When you calm down a bit you continue the exposure. It is helpful to have someone with you to serve as a coach and support.

This allows you to experience the ability to feel fear and control it. You could break the desensitization down as follows;

1. Drive by the restaurant and repeat until you can easily control the fear response.
2. Park in the parking lot. Stay there practicing controlling the fear.
3. Walk around the restaurant, practicing control.

Keep increasing the exposure until you can complete full exposure. It may take a few days or longer to be able to complete the desensitization. With each step your confidence grows as you learn you can master the fear.

Anxiety and phobias can be mastered. You do not need to spend a life ruled by fear and failure. We all have the power to change our lives. We create the conditions and perceptions that give the anxiety its power.

It starts with belief in yourself and your ability. You can overcome and move from panic to peace.