I just found out that my boyfriend of 1 yr may be a porn addict. We dated about 7 months before being boy/girlfriend and about 4 or 5 months into our relationship we reviewed each other's email accounts. That is how I learned that he would visit porn sites/chat rooms/galleries. We talked about it; he said we should just focus on each other (and he's kept saying this until now). I said I thought porn is harmful and he said he didn't know how he started getting these emails but that he'd unsubscribe to these places.
He didn't visit these websites for a while. But for about a month and a 1/2 now, I see he's back to visiting these sites, and this weekend, he even went to porn chat rooms to chat for 10 minutes.
He does not know that I know this. I've asked him recently (about 2-3 times) if he's visiting these sites and all he says is "you're not gonna stop?!" Going into 3 weeks now, he's been very distant, we hardly see each other, and he's always in a short and grumpy mood over the phone. I tell him that his happiness is important to me and when I question his distant attitude towards me, or when I ask him if he wants to break up, all he says is that it's not me, that it's him. I tell him his distance hurts me, but things don't seem to change. Is this his way of breaking up slowly? Does he want ME to break up?
Sometimes I feel like just telling him that I know he's visiting these sites, that I have proof (I still have access to his email, and I've been deleting his requests to join groups--but I've been forwarding those emails to my account). I think if I do this he will get mad, not trust me, deny it, be defensive and ultimately not seek help either. I think all of this stems from his father's death 7 years ago, leading to depression to finding a way to cope with that pain.
My point is I love him dearly. I want our relationship to work out. I don't know if it's healthy to continue or if I should just move on. It hurts me to think about breaking up. But I'm important too. I wish he would come out of this porn activity and REALLY focus on me, like he says we should do. I wouldn't want him to fall deeper into this addiction (if that's what it is)/depression, me gone and his tight-knit brothers not even being aware that he needs help. I feel like I sound like a broken record asking him what's wrong -- why he's distant with me. His reply: "I'm very stressed at work, I'll explain later." He doesn't. Yet he's not the same as before. This is going on 3 weeks now. It hurts. What should I do? Should I confront him? Break up? Tell his brothers? How should I approach him, especially when he won't open up/admit it? I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him when I talk. I want him porn-free. Can/should I help? Maybe he thinks his porn activity is normal. Please advise.
