Sex Addiction Questions

I recently found out someone close to me has been regularly viewing porn. Apparently this has been an on going challenge for awhile, not a recent development. I have seen the effects on myself and others close to him and emotions are high and upsetting. How do we, as close associates of this person, cope with this challenge? How might we support this person in his recovery? In our recovery? What advice could you give, to get ALL of us, back to as normal as possible?

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My wife just found out that I have been viewing pornography for the past six years of our marriage. She is furious. I feel bad, but I don't understand why she is so upset. She hasn't been sexually open to new things and I have felt that she didn't care if I took care of things myself. I don't know how to respond to her. I actually enjoy viewing pornography, but I don't want to ruin my relationship with my wife. She told me that my viewing pornography is like cheating on her. I don't get that at all. How could viewing pornography be like cheating? Is there something that I can do to help her calm down? The other question I have is about stopping pornography. I only view once or twice a week when she isn't around. I am not sure I want to stop, but I don't want a divorce either. Please advise.

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I have been struggling with an addiction to pornography for 25 years. I have been to groups therapy, individual counseling, and read self-help books. I make progress for a few months at a time and then relapse. Every time I give in I feel so sad. I want to quit, but nothing has worked for me yet. Do you have some specific suggestions that I could try that would help me. I think my biggest challenge is when the craving comes on. If I could make it through the powerful cravings I might be able to succeed. I will never give up, but I sometimes feel completely helpless.

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Will my husband ever quit relapsing with his pornography addiction? It's getting better, but it still keeps happening. He says that he's trying, but I'm losing hope.

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A little over a year ago, my husband told me of his pornography addiction. He has stopped and gotten help, but I still have some issues and it is causing turmoil in our relationship. I still don't fully trust him enough with my feelings to open up completely and give him my whole heart and intimacy is a big problem. Sometimes I still feel "shocked' about the whole thing. I'm always wondering what he's thinking about? How do I get past all of this and put it behind me?

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I just found out that my boyfriend of 1 yr may be a porn addict. We dated about 7 months before being boy/girlfriend and about 4 or 5 months into our relationship we reviewed each other's email accounts. That is how I learned that he would visit porn sites/chat rooms/galleries. We talked about it; he said we should just focus on each other (and he's kept saying this until now). I said I thought porn is harmful and he said he didn't know how he started getting these emails but that he'd unsubscribe to these places. He didn't visit these websites for a while. But for about a month and a 1/2 now, I see he's back to visiting these sites, and this weekend, he even went to porn chat rooms to chat for 10 minutes.

He does not know that I know this. I've asked him recently (about 2-3 times) if he's visiting these sites and all he says is "you're not gonna stop?!" Going into 3 weeks now, he's been very distant, we hardly see each other, and he's always in a short and grumpy mood over the phone. I tell him that his happiness is important to me and when I question his distant attitude towards me, or when I ask him if he wants to break up, all he says is that it's not me, that it's him. I tell him his distance hurts me, but things don't seem to change. Is this his way of breaking up slowly? Does he want ME to break up?

Sometimes I feel like just telling him that I know he's visiting these sites, that I have proof (I still have access to his email, and I've been deleting his requests to join groups--but I've been forwarding those emails to my account). I think if I do this he will get mad, not trust me, deny it, be defensive and ultimately not seek help either. I think all of this stems from his father's death 7 years ago, leading to depression to finding a way to cope with that pain.

My point is I love him dearly. I want our relationship to work out. I don't know if it's healthy to continue or if I should just move on. It hurts me to think about breaking up. But I'm important too. I wish he would come out of this porn activity and REALLY focus on me, like he says we should do. I wouldn't want him to fall deeper into this addiction (if that's what it is)/depression, me gone and his tight-knit brothers not even being aware that he needs help. I feel like I sound like a broken record asking him what's wrong -- why he's distant with me. His reply: "I'm very stressed at work, I'll explain later." He doesn't. Yet he's not the same as before. This is going on 3 weeks now. It hurts. What should I do? Should I confront him? Break up? Tell his brothers? How should I approach him, especially when he won't open up/admit it? I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him when I talk. I want him porn-free. Can/should I help? Maybe he thinks his porn activity is normal. Please advise.

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I am trying to overcome a pornography addiction, any help would be greatly appreciated.

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Does pornography change the brain? If so how?

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